I Saw Magic Mike Live And I Think You Should Too

When in Vegas (or where ever else it's playing!)

This past week, I made a pilgrimage to Las Vegas. Now, I actually grew up going to Vegas a lot. I will save you the WHY [I’ve been to Vegas so much] and just tell you this: my parents are Persian immigrants, Celine Dion, and over the top aesthetics. I will explain no further.

But this past week I was surprisingly in Vegas for work - can you believe it? A podcast conference in Vegas?? Yeah, who cares, let’s get to the real juice here: Magic Mike Live.

When I learned I was going to Vegas, I knew my time had come. I was finally ready to see choreographed gyrating from the mind of Channing Tatum. I had paid my dues and completed the Magic Mike trilogy. I parked at the Glendale Galleria for free and hiked to the Americana to use my hard earned money to pay for a ticket to see Magic Mike’s Last Dance in theaters. I avoided looking at any of the stores I was walking by. I was on a mission. If you live in LA, you know the journey I am describing. After this experience, it finally felt like my time had come to see the show live.

I texted the colleagues I would be in Vegas with (shoutout Joelle Monique, Carmen Laurent, and Dr. Jon Paul) and convinced them to go with me. Let’s be real, I didn’t really need to convince them. They were ready for the experience, as well. I bought tickets quick - the couch seats! You simply cannot go wrong with couch seats, okay? Sitting on a couch while men grind on steel beams around you is necessary. It’s self-care, okay? Anyway, after buying the tickets, I minded my own business until the day finally came.

It was Wednesday, March 8th: International Women’s Day. What?! What are the odds? A holiday for us to truly let ourselves go and watch some dicks grinding in our faces while sitting on a couch like true Americans. God bless grinding dicks!

It was truly one of the longest days of my life. I won’t get into the details because who cares? Let’s just get into it. When we finally rolled up to the Sahara Casino, we were buzzing. We had missed eating dinner, so by the time we were seated in the theater our adrenaline was mixing with our excitement and giving us all the energy we needed to enjoy the show. I passed out our (personally) obligatory mushroom chocolate micro-dose bites (not required) and we sat back and waited for the show to start.

If you have seen the recent movie, you will start to realize pretty quickly into the show, that the movie is loosely based on how the live show was put together. It’s the same story as the stage show in the movie. If you haven’t seen the film, let me break it down for you: this strip show has a clear narrative arc running through it. The show posits that we deserve more than the usual gross demoralization of women in mainstream media. We are women and we deserve to have everything we choose to want. That’s right - it’s finally time for the woman’s gaze on the man’s body. The women are in charge of this strip show and you know what women want? Hot grinding men in plain t-shirts and blue jeans who’ll listen to your needs AND sex positive interactive theater!

The show’s emcee is a woman and she is quick to describe the ‘unicorn of a man’ that we are looking for. Thus leading us to project all our needs and wants on all the different guys they start to (literally) project spot lights on throughout the room. And it truly is a 360 degree experience. The men pop up EVERYWHERE. And then they REALLY get into it. They bump, they grind, they climb the walls and grind on steel structures around the stage. They even use a zip-line to fly over us to sprinkle rose petals on our heads. They approach women to give them lap dances while also giving them the option to opt out by saying the room’s safe word: unicorn. Every five minutes they would intro a new concept to imply that we were all being figuratively pleasured by the experience: tap dancing! Gymnastics! Singing! Salsa! Sword fighting with roses! Acoustic versions of Ginuwine’s Pony! Dancing in the rain! And of course, aerial acrobatics. It was riveting.

It was 90 minutes of pure horny entertainment. And they didn’t let you stop to think for a second. It is an over-stimulating masterpiece of gyrating, sweaty madness. The energy in the room is pure chaos. The audience is shrieking and howling and laughing. It’s like they have bottled up the pure experience of a horny woman’s joy inside the four walls of the theater. It those walls could talk… they wouldn’t, they would moan. Even if strip shows aren’t necessarily your thing, let yourself get your life at this hilariously self-aware batshit version of one. I simply cannot recommend it enough.

One fun fact: the live show features dancers from the third movie. Since I had seen the movie so recently, I actually recognized some of the dancers. That was a fun easter egg. Plus, at one point, the emcee rides a unicorn suspended from the ceiling while the men dance below her. It’s called art.

Another fact: this show has no actual full-frontal nudity. They get down to their banana hammocks but we don’t see any real dick. So, what I am saying is, bring your mom!!!! If they can handle it, of course. My mom would probably pass on, but if you have a mother who is down to clown, then this could be a really interesting experience neither of you will ever forget!

Based on what I am currently reading, the show is so popular it sells out almost every night. And I understand. It’s a show for women in all stages of their lives. They pull up any and all women and let them drag their hands down sweaty abs. It is, in fact, quite pleasing to watch. Let these older women (your mom?) grab some young hot ass!! Let them live their best lives! It actually gave me hope in life. Is that crazy to say? I felt actual HOPE. Like we could really have a fun strip show by women for women (yes, women helped choreograph and direct this show!) It’s a nice feeling to see women’s sexuality celebrated and not deemed an issue.

Have I convinced you yet to see the show? Can you believe I am not being paid for this glowing endorsement?

I will say, there were a few things that took me out of the show. This won’t effect your viewing experience but I just have to talk about it: they were filming the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills at the show I was at. Now, to be clear: I am a fan and while it was thrilling to see the housewives there in person, I didn’t care for the special treatment they were getting.

I didn’t really need to see Erika Jayne being pulled up on stage and figuratively fucked in front of my face. Acknowledge the victims, Erika!!!!! At one point they pulled Kyle Richards down to be danced on. Of course, in pure Kyle fashion, she was acting very embarrassed and awkward with the whole situation. At one point, she even tried to scoot away from the dancer. That was not fun to witness. I understand the producers of the show probably wanted to torture her for our television viewing experience, but I felt uneasy about it. There were women there, who paid for their tickets, who would have loved to be in Kyle’s position. People at our show missed out on these interactive moments due to the housewives needing to get their shots. But alas, it was international women’s day, so I had to let it slide.

Okay back to the glowing endorsement: overall, if you enjoy a damn good time with dudes gyrating in every direction you could possibly look, then this show is for you. Or if you enjoy watching women get their god damn lives, then this show is for you. If you enjoy any of the Magic Mike films even remotely, then this show is for you. So next time you’re in Vegas, London, Miami, and where ever the fuck this show is happening, go see it - you will NOT be disappointed!

One last note: the amount of women who showed up alone ready to get their life was very pleasing to witness. So even if you can’t get your friends to go, don’t feel ashamed attending alone. It doesn’t make you weird, I swear. I would argue, it’s the most human thing you can do. Sometimes, you gotta go at it alone, and that it being seeing a bunch of hot progressive men dancing in a Shakespeare inspired 360 degree views theater! Woohoo!

God bless and goodnight!